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One of my biggest flaws is that I'm impatient.

I want a job. I don't want to be selling AT&T U-verse to businesses door-to-door. I want to work here. Or here. Or even here. I want to do something in my field that's meaningful. I don't want to continue sitting on this computer all day feeling sick to my stomach because I want to be creative AND professional again so badly. But jobs like Full Circle and Brains on Fire don't hire people like me. They hire people like this. Or this amazing guy. So how do I go from being me to being someone else? How do I go from awkward white girl struggling with her own identity and place in the world to someone ... amazing? 

I have applied for so many jobs. I got rejected by a bank. I sent in a hand-written cover letter. I would spend all day making something amazing and beautiful on InDesign if I could get it to work on my laptop. How to cultivate taste? How to cultivate creativity? How to cultivate beauty? How to make them/me see? How to get job?

I need a road map. A road map to myself. A road map to my future.

I don't want to teach, necessarily. I will teach because it's a career and I could do it and do it well and maybe even enjoy it. But really I want to be in an office doing something awesome. I don't know what it is exactly that PR specialists do, and maybe that's my problem. I keep thinking that if I keep thinking I will come up with something. But I have no experience. And how do you get experience when no one is hiring entry-level people?

Conundrum of our generation.

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"How to cultivate taste?"

I have the tackiest design sense. I can operate the software, but I end up saying, "Whaddaya mean sky blue doesn't go with tangerine? This looks great."

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