So...
This summer is coming to a close (boo!) and my parents + little sisters + me are going on a huge trip to their college town--Salt Lake City, UT.  It's going to be awesome but the car ride is going to BLOW...basically I'm spending 17 days in a car/hotel with fun in between.  At any rate, I'm excited. 
Iteniary:

7/17: Travel (12+ hours)
7/18: Travel (12+ hours)
7/19: Steamboat Springs, CO = AWESOME
7/20: Rock Creek, UT.  My dad used to spend every summer out at this dude ranch.  It's going to be freezing and quite the experience.
7/21: Salt Lake, exploring the college, etc.  Going to where he proposed (the first time).  Seeing their old apt.  Stuff like that.
7/22: Park City in Salt Lake.  Kind of like Coney Island.  Lots of fun "attractions."
7/23: More Salt Lake
7/24: Even more Salt Lake.
7/25: Hiking in Southern Utah, including Canyonlands, Bryce Canyon, Aarches National Park, etc. etc.  Lots of aweosmeness.
7/26: Bryce, UT
7/27: North Rim of the Grand Canyon.  The South Rim is the more popular one, the one I went to when I was younger (and the one everyone goes to when they were younger).  The North Rim has crazy elevation and is going to be freezing--in July.   And hopefully beautiful.
7/28: Pheonix, AZ.  Going to see some more national parks, hopefully some cacti.  Our coldest night and our hottest night (115 degrees +) are back to back.  Insane.
7/29: Another long travel day.
7/30: Big Bend National Park, bordering the Rio Grande in Texas.  I'm def. wading into Mexico.  AWWWEEESOME.  Lots of hiking and nature.
7/31: San Antonio, TX.  Yes, the Alamo and allegedly one of the coolest cities in the world.  We have a hotel right on the Riverwalk.  So excited!
8/1: Either a second night in San Antonio or a travel day to Baton Rouge.
8/2: Home.

I'm really excited about seeing the places I've never seen and (oddly enough) spending time with my parents and family and doing crazy stuff with Mom.  I'm working on PATIENCE for the car rides and hotel rooms but hopefully things will go mostly smoothly.  I've checked out like 10 books from the library and I'm nerdily excited about those....

Harry Potter 6 was incredible, book and movie.  I cried but whatever.  Harry Potter breaks my heart.

Me and Jaimie read The Kite Runner aloud to each other (such an amazing experience btw) and balled like little girls at the end.  Ahh, so good and emotionally provokitive.  

Most of my summer goals fell short (more on that later) but I did finally get to see The Godfather which I've missed out on for way too long.  And I really enjoyed it.

Been working way too much and I'm really excited about the TIME OFF to do whatever I want.

Nerdily excited about school starting up again...moving back to Auburn...Isaac's new apartment...starting FRESH...new friends...routines of life...etc.  :D

I'm planning on updating this daily with a picture or two on the trip.  Look forward to it.  

Ok, so I've decided to do the American Heart Association's "Better U."  It's a 12 week program designed to help women lose weight and get healthy.  I don't need to lose that much weight but I DO need to get in shape.  So here we go.

Before-in-Numbers:
BMI: 22.4 (so that's "healthy weight", but just barely)
Weight: 131 lbs
Height: 5"4'
Heart rate: 83 BPM. I kept taking this over and over trying to make it go down (but it didn't). This is juuuuust past "healthy" range.
Blood pressure: I'll let you know when I know.
Waist line: 32 inches

BOOT CAMP Results:
Push-ups (per min): 29.5 (I only get half a point for that last one because it was more a desperate attempt to get to 30 push-ups before time ran out and a epic fail at that...)
Sit-ups (per min): I did 20 with 2 seconds left and instead of fighting for that last one I laid down all gaspy and out of breath. Ugh.
Dips (per min): 19. First time ever doing those devils and I hated them. Congrats. I probably didn't go down as far as I needed to but ... I tried.
Plank:  I can hold it for a little over a minute. Like a 1.10. And dying.
Running: I can run a mile in 10 minutes. I know this to be true. (That's what playing soccer for 4 years can do to you.) And I have to go pick up my little sisters from school VERY SOON so I'm not putting it to the test (right now).

I don't know my cholestoral and glucose and THOSE WEIRD CHEMICALLY NUMBERS stuff because I didn't go to the actual doctor to get these numbers. (I did use Wii Fit to find my BMI and weight, though.)

My goals? I want to lose 10 pounds. TEN POUNDS. That's not too much to ask. AND more than anything I want to be healthier. That's the breaking point for my decision. I'm still in college, so I exercise very half heartedly and make poor eating decisions, and my WEIRD CHEMICALLY NUMBERS and heart rate are probably terrible. So that's why I'm joining in on this quest. Looking forward to this adventure!
<3




I will post on the roadtrip later.

Saturday--Decided against going to Lake Martin for Carlis's birthday due to the state of my car.  Drove home (Mobile).  Went to Stephen's House Party 1 of 2.  Drank lots of water.

Sunday--Waited for Jaimie to stop being stupid, hung out with family for Mother's Day.  Picnic in Spanish Fort Park.  Alligator sightings.  Wii Fit.

Monday--JAIMIE!  Took car to shop (overheated #!).  More Wii Fit.  Rock Band/Mario Kart with Blakeley & Peter.  Stephen's House Party 2 of 2.  Drunken fights over MUSIC CHOICES ensued.

Tuesday--Lunch @ Moe's with Mom.  Car overheated #2.  Went to Jaimie's for dinner/sleepover.

Wednesday--Errands with Jaimie, Wii Fit, Dodgeball.

Thursday--Slumber party at my house.  Jaimie + Blakeley + love = awesome.

Friday--Watched The Day the Earth Stood Still with family.  Dumb, dumb movie.  Bored.

Saturday--Went to Star Trek (for the second time) with my family.  Explained the whole thing to Sarah as it was happening, listened to my dad chuckle.  Came home and watched Terminator 3 with Mom/Liz.  Boooooored.

Ah, summer, how I love thee.
Still no job, still no money, ROAD TRIP NEXT WEEK.
More to come.
<3

Exam time.  That time of year everyone thinks about dying.  Everyone is suffocating a little.  I am suffocating a lot.

Closing time, every new beginning leads to some other beginning's end.

I read Tuesdays with Morrie, it was good but awfully preachy.

Preacher isn't preachy.

Excited about the summer.  Some goals:
1.  Finish the last 2 Harry Potter books.  Maybe start Inkheart.
2.  Smoke some pot.
3.  Try sushi.
4.  Lose 10 pounds-ish.  (I'm not picky, I just want to get into shape.)
5.  Pay off my ticket.
6.  Save ~200 bucks.
7.  Have an awesome summer.

Not too unrealistic.  Hopefully I will have a job walking puppies all day and that will be incredibly awesome.  I also intend to keep my job here; also awesome.

So that's all for now, more when exams are over, probally braggnig/whining about grades or something.

Auburn is going to suck next year in football but I'm not going to care because I'm excited.

Go Lakers.

/end

 At first, the anger manifests itself as a tiny annoyance in the back of my brain.  I shut it out, I talk loudly about the anger.  I hope it will go away, maybe leave the apartment, maybe just resolve itself.  Then the anger is an argument, a stupid one about attention and donuts and computers.  The anger knows it is right, becomes frustration.

Then something is lashing out at me, something that moves and stings and grows.  Something crashes.  The anger in my head grows and for a second, I am unsure what shape it will take.  It begins at my feet, at the tips of my toes, and it pulls me to my feet in a nanosecond.  Several emotions ranging between rage and fear make me want to strike out and cry at the same time.  My muscles tense.  They respond without my permission.  Auto-pilot.  Bitter, mechanically cold taste in my mouth.  Later I am partially glad they responded the way they did, partially disappointed.  The anger spreads to my lower back, where something made contact with my flesh and planted new seeds of anger.

Now the anger is yelling, moving decidedly, swearing, mocking.  It feels good, flowing freely in my veins, like an alcohol of hate.  It keeps away the tears.  The underbelly of the anger.

The anger in my lower back grows.  It feels like kidney stones.  It is rolling, rolling.  The taste is not gone.

Then the anger wants retribution, wants apology and sacrifice and replacement and revenge.  It needs these things and it tells me hungrily.  It has three branches—thin, red, pointy devil-like fingers: thirsting to yell and swear, wanting to run and cry, and begging to be violent.  The weak underbelly of the anger wants hugs.

The anger has infested my kidneys.  The infestation is growing, spreading.

Later, lying in bed trying to dream, the anger turns into the insurmountable desire to throw you up against a wall, using my forearms to pound your collar bones and pin them down, scream obscenities loudly and close to your face so you can feel my spit and my hot breath with every word.  Bundle your shirt up into my clenched fists and jerk you forward to slam your shoulders back against the wall with greater force than either of us knew I possessed, so you know: I am in the position of power, I am in control here, I will not run and cry and be intimidated.  I am woman.  I will bruise you in some way.

Then the anger turns into the desire to write.  To package it neatly and paint it somewhere else.  Tie it up with a bow.  My kidneys can harbor it no longer.

 My eyes are like sapphires, burning so bright, but they are not blue, like emeralds, but when I close my eyes the diamond-cut-gem burns my lids and now it is the time for sleep........................................................................

 Do you HONESTLY think you can call me, bitch me out for something only PARTIALLY my fault, embarass me in front of my friends, then HANG UP on me and expect things to me ok?  I am quietly fuming with anger right now and I have been working really hard to call you every day and keep up this relationship and NOTHING is good enough for you, so fuck it.  So I dare you.  Call me, pretend things are ok.  Because they're not.  I know I didn't do one thing I said I would but YOU KNEW it wasn't done and YOU waited a week too and I TOLD YOU you were going to need that box.  Don't blame me for YOUR stupidity and YOUR lack of foresight.  And it's FORTY BUCKS.  I hope those forty bucks were worth where we were (on the road to recovery) because now YOU OWE ME because that is NOT OK.  I AM NOT OK.

...bitch

 Spring Break has been quite spectacular.  Saw a lot of Blakeley, which was nice, and had a ton of fun just doing random stuff like swinging on the swings.  Which... suddenly makes me nauseous?  Whatever.  Picnics were awesome aswell.

Hung out with P.C. a little and I've decided he's for sure capital sketch.  So that's kind of over... kind of.

My parents bought an iMac... which... AWESOME... but they hate it and won't give it to me.  Poopheads.

Went to the beach, played a lot of Wii, had plenty of sleepovers, missed Jaimie Elise Anderson and JGriff, got my nails did, dealt with family things, etc. etc.  Not a typical Spring Break but a good one none-the-less.  Saw DNew very briefly and damn do I miss THAT kid.

Blakeley had the brilliant idea of starting a picture blog, so I'm thinking about doing that too.  Maybe a Flickr?  Maybe link it to my Twitter?  I don't know.  Would be interesting, but I'd have to have the resources, and I'd have to actually WANT to do it... which... most of my blogs end up being monthly-ish.  Except this one.  A picture to describe every day.  I'll post the link here regardless (if it happens).

Only bad part about Spring Break is how fast it goes by...

Reading Lord of the Flies, which is very captivating.  More on that when it's done.

So much to do next week.  Stress indicators are going to be in the RED...

RITTER ON TUESDAY!  I hope I don't have to work because...guess what...I won't be there.  Wha?!?

SKOOL IS NOT KOOL.

 Here is the problem with people:

Most people are more concered with themselves than with other people.  And that's natural.  But it irks me SO BAD when someone doesn't listen.  Bad listeners are like bad kissers--you never, ever want to talk to them again.  Katie and Jaimie are excellent listeners.  I am a decent one (although by no means excellent).  Isaac is a half-ass listener:  sometimes, he is amazing and our conversations sky-rocket and become really fascinating.  Sometimes he is terrible and just waits for his turn to speak.

I know that I think my stories are more interesting than other (average) people's, and it annoys me when they try to one-up me.  But at the same time, there are people that I actually LISTEN to...and as I started typing a list of people I actually find myself interested in hearing what they have to say, I realized that they were my closest friends (Isaac, Katie, Jaimie, Blakeley, Johnny, Mom, and a few more).  Conversation, to me, is really organic.  I love conversation, I can talk to someone for HOURS, and it becomes a defining factor in many of my friendships.  If I can't talk to you, then chances are I'm not really your friend.

I realize that I am highly opinionated.  I realize that I talk a lot.  But I also think (and maybe I'm wrong) that in my conversations, I try to do as much listening as I do talking.  And it IS possible to change my mind.  If your argument is good enough.  If you can force me to sit and listen in a compelling way.  I am willing to rethink almost anything with a little persuasion.  But I'm not going to do that for just anyone.  People who think that their opinions are the ONLY ONES that are valid can be really irritating.  People who aren't willing to examine another point of view are, by definition, close-minded.  I have always said that I am close-minded, but it's not that I'm close-minded, it's that it takes more than you just saying that it is one way to change my mind.  I'm not impossible, I just know what I think is good and I stick to that most of the time.  There is a difference between being opinionated and being close-minded.  And there is a difference between saying you are open-minded and BEING open-minded.

Here is my real point:
IF you like me, if you are interested on being on the "in crowd" of Emily, (and I realize that not everyone gives a shit) the people I share my thoughts, ideas, the people I open up to and am honest with, then you have to be able to listen.  If I am talking and it's obvious that you don't care, that you're just talking for the sake of talking, that this conversation really means NOTHING to you, then you will never get to the point where I take what YOU are saying seriously.  If we can't have a stimulating conversation then I don't really care about you or what you have to say.  What goes around comes around.  If you are interested in finding out what makes me tick, and exploring that, then I will respect you.  If not, then I'm not going to put forth all the effort to discover who you really are.  And just asking me to tell you isn't going to cut it.  Effort is required.

 I am in a gooooood mood.
Yesyesyes.

I registered for classes today.
Schedule?
AWESOME.

Summer 09 I'm taking a mini-mester of Geology 2.  Boring?  Yes.  BUT I will be able to go to Cali and finish all my core classes and those are both very good things.

Fall 09 I'll be a JUNIOR.  My days will look like this: 
Monday/Wednesday/Friday
-9:00 to 9:50 AM:  Phys 1150.  WHHHHAAAT?  Emily's in a PHYSICS class?  Yes.  Astronomy, actually.  And only because I want to.  If I find out it sucks....laterrrrrrrrrrr.  But it sounds awesome and I'll get to talk about stars and whatnot.  Tentatively excited.  And there's a lab from 7:00-9:55 PM and I'm pretty sure I'll get to play with telescopes and look at stars.  AWESOME.
-10:00 to 10:50 AM:  JRNL 2310.  Aka Reporting.  Hopefully it'll be better than "Newswriting," which I'm in now, which is boring.  And my teacher is monotone.  But for Reporting I'll have Carvalho and I'm looking forward to that and hopefully I can be a teacher's pet, please please please?!  Maybe if I'm Carvalho's pet Ed Williams will be FORCED to love love love me.  
-11:00 to 11:50 AM:  PSYCH!  I don't have a class at this particular time slot.
-12:00 to 12:50 PM:  OMG OMG ENGL 4530 with...guess who?...MCKELLY.  He is going to make awesome teacher love to me and I'm kinda nervous because I have some HUGE shoes to fill.  We are going to flirt it up and I don't even CARE that he's married.  Maybe he'll invite me to dinner at his house and I will play with his brilliant daughter and we will have esoteric discussions that I can pretend to understand.  
-And then I already mentioned my astronomy lab Monday night but I'll also be taking a journalism "lab" Wednesday at 7...basically I'm being FORCED to write at the Plainsman which I already wanna do I just never have time.  Yay!!
Tuesday/Thursday
-11:00-12:15 AM/PM:  JRNL 3470 Newspaper Editing and Design.  Hmmmm...we will see about that one.  Taught by Jennifer Adams.  Excited.

So I've had a good day but I know that'll change when I go in to work tonight and find out I've been written up for no other reason than I've worked in video in the past week (god damn you Chris Hickman).  Here's my new work plan:  Just get written up any time I work in video until someone fires me.  Because you know what?  THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN ANYWAYS.  Hickman basically sent us an email that said "Hey guys I love you but I'm going to write you up every time you work."  Thanks for that.  I stayed until 11 the other night frantically trying to make video look sane with 3 other people (since I didn't get to START closing until 10.15) and I thought to myself..."You know what?  I could walk out RIGHT NOW and I'd be in just as much trouble as if I killed myself trying to make this section look decent."  And it's true.  And that's a very very defeating statement.  Doesn't really make me want to work any harder or care any more.  I feel like I work hard for the menial pay I'm given AS IT IS.  SO I'm just sick of that messssss.  But I'm not one to go to work and complain and bitch about shit (no, only when I'm not at work do I do that) so I'll just continue to let them ass-rape me for no reason.  Plus I love Rocky.

I can't tell if Chris Hickman needs a bear hug or needs to be shot in the face (but I'm guessing the latter).

Speaking of hugs, every time I see Knox Brown on campus riding his bike to and from places I want to hug him.  If only he hadn't been so pretentious, we could have been grand friends.  He's adorable and if he only had a sense of humor the size of an atom we could have been in love and had awkward geek sex forever.  But he didn't and we don't.  His loss.  I can have awkward geek sex as it is.  HE'S the one who needs to get laid.

Speaking of my schedule, I will graduate with a major in Journalism and 2 minors in English and German, and YES I will be studying abroad summer after this one and YES I will be internshipping (hopefully in Chicago, maybe in Mobile or Birmingham or Seattle) and YES I will have an Honors diploma (I have to write a 50page-ish dissertation on a journalism topic of my choice, approved and with the help of a JRNL professor of my choice), and YES I will be ON FREAKING TIME.  Bitches ain't shit.

Bought a lot of clothes recently.
<3

Peace love and drugs.
'Cept no drugs. 
'Cept alcohol.
Later.
 
*edit* Oh, and I'm going back to updating this weekly.  At minimum.

Ritter + me = heaven.

 What IS that feeling?

Thinking about Josh Ritter, about Faulkner, about things I really connect to--
And wanting other people to feel it too.

I wish Hallie really liked Faulkner so we could talk about marrying Cash or Jewel or Darl together because that seems like something she'd do.  Because really?  I'd marry any of them.  Instantly.

I want Katie to read As I Lay Dying and LIKE IT.  Because if she doesn't I don't know if we can be friends anymore.  And then we can talk about marrying one of the Bundrens.

Every time I read a new Faulkner book I want to marry all the male characters.  First it was Joe Christmas.  The misfit.  The in-between.  The man with no family, no home.  No sense of understanding, of belonging.  Just anger.  Tanis Half-Elven + something darker, more fierce.  

And then Quentin Compson.  And I still want to marry him.  He's one of the most amazing literary characters ever.  Demented.  I want to be loved the way he loved Caddy.  I want a love that kills me.

"do you love him Caddy
do I what
she looked at me and then everything emptied out of her eyes and they looked like the eyes in the statue blank and unseeing and serene
put your hand against my throat
she took my hand and held it flat against my throat
now say his name
Dalton Ames
I felt the first surge of blood there it surged in strong accelerating beats
say it again
her face looked off into the trees where the sun slanted where the bird
say it again
Dalton Ames
her blood surged steadily beating and beating against my hand."

Then there was Henry Sutpen.  Why are Faulkner's characters so doomed with love?  Henry wasn't in love with his sister, but with his self, with his sense of place, of history.  When he found out the truth about his past, about his father, he was heartbroken.  

"Nor did Henry every say hat he did not remember leaving the tent.  He remembers all of it.  He remembers stooping through the entrance once again and passing the sentry again; he remembers walking back down the cut and rutted road, stumbling in the dark among the ruts on either side of which the fires have now died to embers, so that he can barely distingusih the men sleeping on the earth about them.  It must be better than eleven oclock, he thinks.  And another eight miles tomorrow...He remembers it.  He remembres how he did not return to his fire but stopped presently in a lonely place and leaned against a pine, leaning quietly and easily, with his head back so he could look up at the shabby shaggy branches like something in wrought iron spreading motionless against the chilll vivid stars of early spring, thinking I hope he remembers to thank Colonel Willow for letting us use his tent, thinking not what he would do but what he would have to do  Because he knew what he would do..."

Then there was the Darl/Cash/Jewel trifector.  I initially loved Darl the most, because he is so fucked up and so insane and so genuine.  I can almost see his eyes when he talks about his mother.  And his hatred for Jewel ignited my hatred for Jewel.  But I really love Jewel--his sense of freedom, of escape, of getting away from this fucked up family and riding HIS horse into HIS sunset.  I want a cowboy, but not the "cowboy" redneck fratboy of today, but a real cowboy, someone who is" dirty and gruff and tall and wears buttow-down plaid shirts and has red-orange hair and is wild, ferral, a man of his own rules.  I want a Jewel.  But I also love Cash, the silent sufferer, the only one who has real strength, the silent brute.  The dumb quiet man, who thinks little and says less, who just loves you because you are a woman, who you can control like a puppy.  Like Shadow from American Gods.  

"Then Jewel is on the horse's back.  He flows upward in a stooping swirl like the lash of a whip, his body in midair shaped to the horse.  For another moment the horse stands spraddled, with lowered head, before it bursts into motion.  They descend the hill in a seires of spine-jolting jumps, Jewel high, leech-like on the withers..." "I am not even touching it when, turning, he lets it overshoot him, swinging, and stops it and sloughs it into the wagon bed in the same motion and looks back at me, his face suffused with fury and despair.  'Goddamn you.  Goddamn you.'"  

"As I paddled on, my heartbeat boomed like a dull motor in my ears.  I am, I am, I am."

I wanna be like the girl in The Reader who gets read to a lot.  Without the Nazi killing part.

"I am a single cell creature, and you are the sea, and I've hit evolution, finally."

 So, in keeping with the tradition, here's 2008 in 12 sentences.

Janurary:  Started 2nd semester of freshman year, working at BAM.
February:  Worked at BAM, went to school, dated Mr. McKeithen, met Katie and signed my new lease.
March:  Spring Break?  can't remember, probably gained weight, saw Jaimie?
April:  Didn't update my LJ AT ALL,  probably had to do stupid shit in school and life, probably sucked a lot, can't even remember.
May:  Finished freshman year, made the Dean's List, quit BAM, Grandpa Clever died.
June:  Summer!, Jaimie/Liz came to visit, packed up, went home, was lazy, started sewing, loved it.
July:  Summer! pt. 2, came back to school, worked at Anders, stayed with Katie Tuel.
August:  Began sophomore year, moved in to my new apartment,19th b-day, went to B-ham to visit Jaimie
September:  Was visited by Sarah, Mom & Dad, Auburn sucked at football.
October:  DISNEY WORLD, quit Anders, started watching Grey's Anatomy, started and quit Old Navy.
November:  Went home for Thanksgiving, started working at Hastings, quit biting my fingernails, got iPhone, Auburn lost the Iron Bowl for the first time in 7 years... 
December:  Went home for best Christmas break ever, broke up with boyz, fell in love with a PC.

Also, sometime I started meds...Elavil, Imitrex, and BC, but I also quit 2 of those 3........................

/love

 In January, I usually do a recap month by month of everything that has happened the past year.  I promise, I'll do one before the end of the month.
Just not now.

I am trying so hard not to be vulnerable and needy because that's how I feel right now and after being on the receiving end of that, SUPER ANNOYING, so I'm trying HARD not to do that to my friends, but I am feeling REALLY VULNERABLE AND NEEDY because I hate waiting for things to start and I hate being alone.  So apprehensive about everything.

My schedule:
MWF
10 - 11 AM:  American Government in a Multi-Cultural World, Eric Russel
11 AM - 12 PM:  Intermediate German II (aka German 4), Thomas Nadar
12 - 1 PM:  Newswriting, Jessica Armstrong
1 - 2 PM:  Southern Literature, Sunny Stalter

T/Th
9.30 - 10.45:  Public Speaking, Mary Bentley

YAY!

By the way, one of the biggest things that we talked about in our little "talk," you did at least 3 times today.  Think about it.

I HATE HATE HATE CHARTER CABLE.

Katie and I installed the coolest shelves today.  Check Facebook for pics.

 Tonight was the perfect girl-tastic ending of a perfect Christmas break.
<3 x a billion

"And I don't know why all the leaves fall in the fall-all-all-all..."
Taylor Swift is a whiny bitch.
Not really, I don't know her.

So this Christmas break was awesome and now it's over and I really really really wanna go home.....HOMEEEE...to Auburn.  I mean I had a lot of fun with friends and family but it's just hit that wall where it's not going to get any more fun.  Which means it can only go downhill.  Mobile is great in small doses.  10 days is about my max though.  Then I'm just ready to getthefuckout and head on down the road.  Spend some time with Auburn folks.  A surprising number are headed back early. 

Even though Hastings fucked up my schedule and I'm no longer working this week, I still think I'm going to go back on New Year's Eve and spend a few days with Katie's family and then maybe I'll come home to spend some time with Blakeley and other people, still don't know yet, we will see.

PUTT-PUTT SHOWDOWN TONIGHT, gonna be awesome though I think I may lose.



This is the section that later I will be called gay for but is entirely unavoidable:
The part that I think is soooooo sadly funny is that NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED if you knew what we had actually been talking about because then you would have PEED YOUR PANTS laughing and it probably would have made your night...if you only knew...

But you know what?  I'm DONE talking about this.  DONE.  So tell 'em what you want, I won't correct you.

I personally think I'm a nice, cool girl and I deserve better.  And I can get better.  So why am I sitting here letting this ruin my break?  If he is ok, then I am.  I am strong.  I'm not going to call and beg for him back any more.  I've put in all I can.  Fuck, isn't that what I've done this whole relationship?  If he isn't pining and crying over me, then what's the point?

That's right, there is none.

I am so over this.

Now if only my iPhone would work....

I should so badly be studying right nai yai yai.

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It must feel good, putting people down all the time. You back them up in a corner, take all their weapons away with complete bullshit statistics because they don't waste their time memorizing that crap, and then wonder why no one wants to talk to you about that shit. Do you not believe in passion, in miracles? You are the scientist, denying the existance of God because it cannot be neatly mapped on paper, and then citing your equations, your graphs as an excuse to mock other's blind faith.

"I can well imagine an athiests last words: 'White, white! L-L-Love! My God!'--and then the deathbed leap of faith. Whereas the agnostic, if he stays true to his reasonable self, might try to explain the warm light bathing him by saying, 'Possibly a f-f-failing ozygenation of the b-b-brain,' and, to the very end, lack imagination and miss the better story."

And when you wonder why no one is there to hold your hand in the end, it is because you have alienated us all by telling us we are wrong.

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